we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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