i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
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For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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