I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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