I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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