Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize