i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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