be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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