My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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