one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize