after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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