Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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