If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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