Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize