dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
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Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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