My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just had sex bonerless
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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