He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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