Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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