He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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