He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize