I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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