I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
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It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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