I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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