My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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