I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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