I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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