i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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