why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize