anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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