After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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