I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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