i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize