Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
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my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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