When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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