Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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