Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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