Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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