If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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