Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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