wanna go halves on a baby?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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