a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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