people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize