i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
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An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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