I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There's a naked man in my car right now.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize