She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
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THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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