And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize