6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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