i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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