If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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