3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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