God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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